I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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