i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You're like the curious george of whores
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
