Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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