so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize