Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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