I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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