i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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