I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
