Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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