I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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