dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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