Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
