He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
