Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
