I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
There r osticjed everywhere
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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