would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
