vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
