Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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