I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
