Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize