you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
