yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
