All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
time to smoke my breakfast
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
