They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
