i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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