Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
