I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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