I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize