i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
