i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
