Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
