and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
