I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
