when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
