every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
