I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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