I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
