How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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