not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
