I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
