is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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