I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
