i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
