Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
