I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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