Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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