Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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