I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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