my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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