alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize