i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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