she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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