I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
