First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
