Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
