If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
