Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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