so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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