I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
