So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
