If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
