wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
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