Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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