She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
