Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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