Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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