let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
