I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
