My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
