I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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