Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I think people are normalizing furries
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
